FAMILY SECRET
We were at the lobby of a hotel, waiting for our driver when my
friend Babes suddenly said;
“I cannot attend next month’s meeting. We will have a family
reunion.”
“A family reunion at this time of the year? Why not on Christmas?”
I asked.
“My mother is very sick, we are afraid she may not last long, we
want everyone of the family, down to the great grandchildren to see her and
give their final respect. Christmas might be too late,” she answered.
“How is your father taking it? They have been together for so many
years”, I asked.
“He is prepared. I am glad I made the move for them couple to
patch up their hurts.”
“What do you mean you made the move?”
“Well, when we were growing up, I never find anything unusual on
the relationship of my Mom and Dad. I thought it was just their character. But
when I got married and we had these reunions, I noticed that every time we
group together, my mother would not be around. She would alwahys be somewhere
in the house. Later on, it became apparent to me that my mother would not want
to group with us if my father is around. Then it came into my mind that I knew
very little about my parents.”
“And so one day, when we were alone in the house, I asked my
mother to tell me about her childhood, about her parents and how she met my
Dad. I also asked her the reason why she would not want to join us if my father
is in the group.”
I got curious.
“Did she tell you?” I asked.
“Yes, for a while I thought she would not, but she did.”
------------The Mother’s story--------------------
I was born in a very remote place, on a rocky Island that is 2
days travel from the mainland. Except for occasional explorer’s, we were alone
on that island; Just my father, my mother and me.
We always have food. My father knew the island. He can catch fish
and he knew where edible plants grew.
When visitors, like the missionaries came, they would leave a sack
of rice and we would have rice for months. But Clothes we have none. I never
had a dress until I was about 6 yrs old, not until the missionaries came and
gave me a dress.
The missionaries’ visits were seldom and far between. I remember that I always
jumped with joy whenever I see their motorized boats coming.
In my young age, " they are the people ."
When I was 15, your father came into my life. He was a soldier and
his group was assigned to check the island.
Before they leave the Island, he asked my mother and father if he
can bring me back to the mainland and marry me. My mother and father thought
about it the whole night and in the morning they gave their blessings.
Your father was a salaried man, for them, that was enough. Their
beloved daughter will not grow hungry.
The day I left with your father was the last time I saw my
parents. I never saw them again. I never knew it at that time.
I had a hard time adjusting to my new life; many days and many nights I cried. I was very very lonely; how I longed to go back to the Island and see my parents
again.
On the 2nd year, your eldest brother was born and this occupied me
and made me content. Then the next year another baby came and then another the
following year.
Little by little I stopped longing for the Island and for my
parents.
Then, just as I was beginning to be happy, your father met a woman
on one of his assignments and he left us; he did not come home, not even to say
goodbye. I felt abandoned and forgotten, so unloved. Once again I longed to see my parents, to be in the Island again.
I have 3 kids to feed. I do not know how and where to get food to
feed my children. Many days we went hungry. I would often go to the river and
cry to God for help, to once again send the missionaries.
And then one day, quite suddenly, I remember my father and his
ways; I re-learned how to source for edible plants and to trapped seafoods with
stones.
After a year your father came back, he asked for forgiveness and
lived with us again. I thought I had forgiven him; but then, as the days went
by, I realized, only my heart had forgiven him; my mind would always go back to
that time when he left us.
-----------------Babes and me------------------
“So that's it, your mother felt betrayed.”
“Yes. I sympathized with my mom but past is past and it is so long ago. Besides, who among us has not committed a mistake?” Babes said.
“You are right. So what did you do after that?”
“I talked to my father.”
----------------The Father’s story----------------
Yes, I admit. I went astray. That was very bad of me. It never
came into my mind that they will go hungry. I don’t know, I must be out of my
mind at that time.
I asked forgiveness from God and from your mom. God must have
forgiven me because He gave me back my family, but your mother has not
completely forgiven me. My love for her has come back but her love for me is
gone.
It’s been years now and I tried to make amends for my mistakes,
but she has not forgotten.
It’s ok, I made a very big mistake, she suffered so much, I must
suffer a little.
-----------Going back to Babes and me----------
“Wow ... What a love story. I don't know if your mother's love for
your father is greater because she took him back or your father's because he
endured her treatment for such a long time, so what happened next?”
“I talked to my mother again, and asked forgiveness for my father.
When I told her what my father told me, I could see a little smile on her face.
From then on, I could sense some changed on my mother, not only towards my
father, but towards us children too.”
"That's good," I said, "but what made your
grandparents stay in the Island, how did they end up in that so far away and
barren place in the first place? did you ask?," I said.
Silence, then Babes stood up and fixed her makeup.
“Yes but it is a very long story, we do not have time; the driver
could be on his way now,” she said.
"Let's meet and finish the story tonight, dinner's on me,
Ok?"
"Ok," she said. "I'll be at the lobby at 7."
From the author;
Babes never made it to the lobby that night; she has to go home
immediately, her mother died.
No matter how unbelievable it is, the story is true. The Island,
the missionaries, the secret, they are all true.
It's been years now since my friend shared to me her parent's story. But I didn't forget; the story stayed in my mind.
Could it be that Babes grandparents were the first inhabitants of one of the Islands in the Kalayaan group of Islands? Why were Babes grandparents in that Island? why didn't they ever leaved the Island? Were the rocks and boulders described actually the coral reefs of Panatag?
I continued this story with Babes father going back to the Island (Going Back to the Island), but it is not a true story anymore, it is just a pigment of my imagination.
.
GOING BACK TO THE ISLAND
He just looked at me and smiled.
to be
continued
It's been years now since my friend shared to me her parent's story. But I didn't forget; the story stayed in my mind.
Could it be that Babes grandparents were the first inhabitants of one of the Islands in the Kalayaan group of Islands? Why were Babes grandparents in that Island? why didn't they ever leaved the Island? Were the rocks and boulders described actually the coral reefs of Panatag?
I continued this story with Babes father going back to the Island (Going Back to the Island), but it is not a true story anymore, it is just a pigment of my imagination.
.
GOING BACK TO THE ISLAND
I could see tatay waving
from a mile. Rather than making me glad, it pained me. It pained me to see him
so excited to see me come back to the Island, like he waited for me every day.
He did not wait for the motorboat
to land; we met in knee deep water. He embraced me tight and he cried.
“Oh Delio, I am so happy
to see you, I was not wrong, you are here, you did come back,” he said.
“I Am glad to see you too
tatay, I am sorry it took me so long,” I couldn’t help it, I was teary eyed
too.
“Hush, hush, that’s ok,
everything is going to be ok now, you’ve come back, that’s enough, come come to
the house, it’s been a long arduous journey, let’s have coffee, I have it
boiling already."
"When I saw a dot
from the horizon, I put on the coffee and boiled some bananas and sweet
potatoes. I know, whoever is coming, he will need warm food. Come let us go to
the house. We can talk while we have our breakfast. You can change your clothes
too, they have wave sprays.”
Wave sprays …. Wave sprays
….. yes I got wave sprays. A tide of memories came back.
……..
Three months, three months
of stay here in this Island. Three months of wave sprays.
Flora and I used to meet
in this beach after my shift. We don’t walk on the shore as other lovers would;
we frolicked, we played with the waves. Whoever got hit with the wave sprays,
will be the loser.
It was the day before our
mission ended when I asked Flora if she would come with me. Flora was just 15
then.
“What about Tatay and
Nanay, can they come with us too?, you know I won’t leave without them. If you
bring me with you, you have to bring them too,” Flora said.
“I will talk with
Lieutenant tonight, I’ll see what I can do."
I know it will be
hard to convince our lieutenant to let me bring Flora with the contingent
back to the mainland but to bring the whole family - I’m almost sure, he will
not.
That night I beg our boss
to let me bring Flora with me to the mainland. At first he refused but he was
also in love once and so he let Flora come with us, but only Flora.
Early morning the next day
I talked to Flora’s parents. I told them flora and I will come back as soon as
we get settled.
The next day they gave me
their blessing. Oh, I was the happiest man on earth then, I so love
Flora.
I don’t know what
happened. After the eldest was born, things changed. Flora was not the same
anymore. She does not mind if I come back from the mission or not. Our child
was enough to make her happy, I became bitter.
……..
I woke up from my reverie
when Tatay called.
“Hey Delio, remember that
….?"
“Of course tatay, I
still remember.”
While we were securing the
motorboat to a tree, I asked for Nanay; “where is Nanay, tatay?"
“Come with me, I will take
you to her.”
And so we walk to the
house, it was the same house, nothing has changed I thought.
“Let us have a warm cup of
coffee first and better change your clothes, they are wet,” Tatay said.
And so we walked up to the
house which isn’t really very far. It’s built in a high place. I stopped and
looked at it; it is the same house, nothing has changed.
It is the same table too,
a makeshift one which Tatay fashioned from the palms of coconut trees. And
Between coffee and sweet potatoes, Tatay asked.
“Where is Flora, Delio,
why isn’t she with you?”
“You are coming back with
me to the mainland Tatay. I cannot bring Flora with me, no one will look
after the three kids, you have three grandchildren already and I could not risk
taking them with me, I knew the sea is not friendly this time of the
year.”
“Oh, I have three
grandchildren already? How nice; what are their names and how old are they?”
“The eldest Tatay is NIko,
he is 5 and has started kindergarten. He has your brains Tatay, he will be the
first honor on their kinder graduation next month; I want you and Nanay to be
there when he received his medal. He looks like you Tatay.”
“What about the other two
kids, are they boys too?”
“No Tatay, a girl comes
after Niko, we called her Babes, she is now a precocious 3yrs old Tatay. Nanay
will surely love her curly hair, she looks just like Flora, the first time I
saw her here. Your third grandchild is Ray, he just turned 1 last month.”
“By the way Tatay, where
is Nanay?”
“Come, let’s go to her
now. We have finished our coffee anyway.”
And we went down the
stairs to the back of the house
“Hey Senyang, look out
here, Delio has come back.” Tatay called but still I couldn’t see Nanay
anywhere. I do not know why but I suddenly felt cold and I know it isn’t
because of the cold wind that is now slowly battering the Island.
We stopped beside the 2
big boulders that were forever there but this time I saw a cross planted
between them. I knew then that Nanay died; there is no one else on the Island. I felt the goosebumps
again.
“I told you Senyang, they
will come back. We were right to let Flora go with Delio. Oh Senyang if you
just waited.”
“Why Tatay? She was young
and healthy when we left.”
Tatay did not answer me;
he sat down on one of the stones and looked at the sea again. It took a long
time before he answered me, “Delio, your mother died of
extreme loneliness.”
I could not speak. I saw
that his eyes were moist, holding back his tears. I wish then he can hold them
back; I don’t want to see Tatay crying or any man for that matter. I am a
soldier, trained to be tough but somehow seeing Flora’s father cry, cut a tug
in my chest .
Then he took a stick and
make figures in the sand. I look at it but found nothing, just circles and
lines and x's.
“When you left the island,
she would go to the beach every day and just sat there staring at the sea. She
told me; ‘perhaps Flora would change her mind and would come back and not leave
the Island anymore’. I told her no, 'Love is a very strong feeling, it can
withstand loneliness, it can withstand separation'.
“Days after days, she
would go to the beach and waited for Flora to come back. She would only go back
to the house to prepare lunch.
“I scolded her and it
became the source of our everyday quarrel. I always told her to wait, that you
will be coming back, she would not listen. I don’t know any more what to do and
so I started to stay out longer. Perhaps this added to the problem; I
felt some guilt thinking that I failed her.
“Delio, your mother-in-law
was committing suicide right under my eyes”.
Tatay wiped away his tears
with the back of his hands, he could not hold back his tears anymore, neither
can I. I knew in my heart and in my head that I had a hand in my
mother-in-law’s death. I took away her most prized possession, perhaps the only
reason why she has endured so much loneliness in the Island.
I don’t know any more what
to think then. I came here so that I can erase some of my guilt for leaving my
family for another girl but instead, guilt has been added.
“Tatay, I am so sorry.”
“No, don’t say that, it is
not your fault.” Then Tatay continued.
“The first time we came
here, she was so happy; for her my love is enough. When Flora came, I thought
it was a bonus, that Flora will make her happier. I was wrong; her love for me
was transferred to Flora. So when Flora left, her world crumpled.”
“I didn’t know it then,
had I known ...” Father stopped, then said;
“It is not your fault,
Delio. We talked about it the whole night and we gave you our blessings.
I did not forced Senyang to let go, perhaps she so loved Flora that she
has to let go, that she would not want Flora to suffer the extreme loneliness
she suffered in this Island. I didn’t know it then that she was unhappy here. I
didn’t know it then ... I thought she was happy here in this beautiful and
generous Island. “
“Come with me Tatay, we
have a small farm, you can help us till it, Flora would be so happy, I could
almost see her smile now. ”
He just looked at me and smiled.
“Tell me more about each
child Delio.”
And so I would tell him
each child’s daily antics and after each child’s story he would always turn to
Nanay's place and says;
“You heard that Senyang?
Delio said our oldest grandchild is doing well in school, must have taken my
brains ha ? ha ha ha, am so proud of them already.” Then quite suddenly
said,
“Oh Senyang, if only you
have waited.”
Again, there is that tug
in my stomach.
"It is getting dark
Tatay, maybe we should go back to the house now, and we still have to pack your
things. I have with me 2 cans of sardines and 2 cans of corned beef, for our
dinner and breakfast. We will leave at around 5 a.m., that’s when the sea
is calm.”
“Oh you remember.”
“Yes Tatay, I did not
forget.”
The he talked with Nanay
again. “Senyang, I will go with Delio tomorrow, I will see Flora and our 3
grandchildren, but don’t worry, I will come back, I promise you, I will never
leave you alone here. Oh Senyang, if you just waited.”
After dinner, I helped him
pack some of the things and we chatted again, mostly about the children.
“Let’s go to bed now
Tatay, you must be tired, I will wake you up at 4."
Tatay looked at me again
and said, “Thank you again Delio for coming back and thank you for taking good
care of my daughter, you were true to your promise.”
I almost cried when I
heard this, but I hold back my tears. The guilt inside me was
overwhelming.
“You are welcome Tatay, I
just wish it was sooner.”
“Don’t be sad and don’t be
sorry Delio, it is enough that you are here. What did they say about the Milk?
no use crying over spilt milk, was that it? I have been away from people for so
long; I forgot a lot of things already. I am glad that the missions still bring
me books whenever they come here, by the way, they still come here, even after
Flora is gone.”
“Thank you Tatay.”
Early the next morning, I
tried waking up Tatay, but I could not anymore, he was dead. He died in his
sleep.
I sat beside him and let
go of myself; I cried.
By the afternoon, I have
recovered and started to dig.
I left the Island, day
after that, bringing with me some pictures that Tatay kept bundled in an old
tattered t-xhirt and also a diary that I found on his belongings.